Vibrational Realignment

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Michael Davis is CEO of Energy Medicine Foundation and a member of the Mountain Spirit Co-Op in Prescott. He is the creator of Vibrational Realignment, a unique approach to spiritual healing, and can be reached at 928-254-0775 or at www.Vibrational-Realignment.com



Thursday, 01 April 2010 00:00    E-mail
Reduce stress of parenting with love and understanding

I know you have heard of a thousand new ways to parent children. They never seem to work, especially with teenagers. There is a reason for that. I want to introduce you to a completely new way of parenting, one that has changed my family, and one that arises from the latest research in brain development and the power of the subconscious.

The creator of this paradigm-breaking new approach is Bryan Post, founder of The Post Institute. If you have kids, or know anyone who  does, keep reading.

Traditional parenting approaches typically start with the child and are premised upon escalating consequences (punishment) in response to bad behavior. The goal is to give children an incentive to make better choices or to change unacceptable behavior.

The problem is that many children are not capable of making these kinds of rational decisions. This is especially true of kids who have been traumatized. We know that trauma is stored in the subconscious, waiting to be triggered by seemingly unrelated events.

We now know the brain is not finished developing until 25 years of age! The last part of the brain to develop is the area where rational judgment occurs, the frontal lobe.

The emotional and primitive parts of the brain are often where reactions will arise, overwhelming the child and creating a level of stress that virtually short-circuits the brain. Asking children to make adult decisions may literally be biologically impossible and is a prescription for failure.

There is another way. My wife, Sally Salisbury, calls this new approach “Have Heart Parenting.” It is heart-based in that love and understanding are the primary tools. Before you say “Here we go again,” recognize that the love and understanding begins with YOU, the parent.

Using the latest research on psychological projection and the unseen influence of the subconscious, you start with identifying your own childhood traumas and patterns, and you will quickly see that your children are modeling them. Next, identify your own fears and/or expectations that you have placed upon your children, so that you can move out of your own emotional responses. Once you have your act together, you can begin to parent your children.

There are three basic principles behind Have Heart Parenting. One, all behaviors arise from a place of stress, and it is only in addressing that underlying emotion that we can minimize the behavior.

Two, understand that there are only two primary emotions: love and fear. All negative behaviors ultimately come from a place of fear. If you are to change the behavior, you must first understand its root cause. Finally, children with severe behaviors do not consciously choose their actions; these behaviors arise from the subconscious. Children have not yet learned to effectively communicate their deepest feelings and emotions, they only know how to do so through their behaviors.

By focusing on behaviors rather than the underlying emotional factors, parents perpetuate the cycle. Hopefully, you can quickly see that if these principles are true, punishment or other consequences approaches to negative behaviors is misguided at best. When your child is acting badly, they are coming from a place of deep upset and stress, probably driven by subconscious or trauma factors, but at the very least centered in their emotional brain centers. We know that they are not rational in these moments and that their thinking becomes confused anddistorted; they also exhibit short-term memory loss.

What they most need at these times is love and understanding and empathy, not explanation or rational discussion or punishment of any kind. The hardest part of this approach will be regulating yourself, which is why we start with you. When your daughter is upset and cursing at you, for instance, your natural reaction is to get angry and demand respect, one way or another. But you cannot expect her to become calm and regulate herself if you are in a state of agitation.

In fact, the more upset you are, the more you can assume it is your unfinished business from the past coming up!

Consciously choose now to reassure your daughter, let her know how much you love her and how important her feelings are to you, and focus on the underlying emotion behind the outburst.

By regulating yourself, you create room for your children to express themselves fully.

By allowing your children to express their emotions through their behaviors, no matter how extreme, they are finally able to process these feelings rather than have them suppressed. Real healing can occur. Once there is healing through emotional expression, there is no further reason for the behaviors.

I invite you to try this approach.  It won’t be easy, but presumably neither is your present parenting method.  The difference is you will begin to see results, not only in the negative behaviors, but also in your relationship with your children.

For more information, visit www.haveheartparenting.com or call Sally Salisbury at 928-710-9294; we are students of the Bryan Post method and are eager to help families. On April 13, we will be offering a free lecture on Have Heart Parenting at Mountain Spirit Co-Op at 5:30. Raising children doesn’t have to be painful; there is a better way, with love and understanding.

 


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